Commotio Cordis

Commotio Cordis: The fluke moment when an athlete gets hit with a ball as the heart is beating, knocking the heart into ventrical fibrilation....

I learned a few things at tonight's AED fundraiser dinner (with the goal of putting an AED in every school in the district I work for). 20% of our population at some point sets foot on school property. It's possible to have an internal defibrilator machine. Something so obviously life-saving isn't easily accessible in most places. The dinner was a success -- each school ended up with their machine. I was glad I went, and I was glad my boss thought it was a worthy enough cause to mention several times in previous weeks.

The AED issue hits home for me, having worked in a place where we should have had one. Despite the PTSD counseling I went through (ironically after I'd written my master's thesis on students with PTSD), I still remember a lot about that day. I remember my co-worker, on the phone with 911, asking me if we had an AED, and my responding no -- since I'd just had AED/CPR at work, where they'd told us we didn't actually have one. I remember the crying children, and the looks on my co-workers' faces. I remember the "gasps of death" the victim made when in CPR, and when the paramedics tried their hardest to save her. Those stood out the most then, and two times, the same sounds were mentioned tonight.

It's hard for me to imagine a similar scene at my school, and I feel fortunate we already have an AED. I feel fortunate that medical technology has come up with such devices, and that medical technology has allowed for heart transplants and bypass surgeries. The heart turns out to be quite the significant organ, and it begs to ask why these devices aren't mandated and more common.

Catch-up

Been posting most frequently on my myspace blog -- where I actually have a readership. But I adore Capps, so I'm posting these here too!

Posted 3/14:
Note to Anyone who considers me a friend:
A day or so ago, a friend of mine posted the Wikipedia on friendship in her blog. To quote from it: "Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of putting the other's interests before one's own....They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them."

I work very hard at loyalty and reciprocity in my relationships, I pride myself on that -- and being authentic and genuine with people. At first I am hesistant to trust in friendships, but recognize some risk is involved in reward. I choose my friendships thoughtfully and carefully, and I am getting better at cutting off those who drain my energies without looking out for my best interests. I recognize that some people are just better as acquaintances -- without getting too close. Some people, despite best intentions, will never be a close friend.

If you consider me your friend, (most of you myspacers do!), you must know that close friendship with me is based on loyalty and reciprocity. If those things are not present, we ain't got shit. Check yo-self, and let me know what I can do better -- how I can meet your needs.

Posted on 3/17:
Go Ahead! Act Like a Two-Year-Old!
Go ahead! Act like a two year old! Pitch a fit! Ask to speak to a manager! Hell, ask to speak to the manager's manager! Screw the customer service rep you were talking with who told you no, they're just a tiny little dipshit. What the hell do they know?! The manager's manager will surely give you free tickets/passes/meals/gifts or even presents if you whine and throw a big enough fit. Do it. You know you want to. While you're at it, drop the f bomb. Be a little crazy. Wave your arms. Spit. Hurl insults. Threaten. Again, the more scene you make, the more likely you are to get free things. C'mon. You know you want to. Be in touch with your inner barbarian!

Geez. This was the story of Tacoma Free Day. I need to get a teaching job, stat!


Posted on 3/17:
Inner 2-Year-Olds (Part Dos)
See previous post for a brief synopsis of our day at work. Yipes, it sucked.

What sucked more is having a really tough day, on an Irish drinking holiday, and realizing you cannot be the lush you are because you've got a job interview tomorrow.

My parents tried to comiserate -- they took me to Tony Romas where I devoured a half rack of ribs. Then I softly and kindly mentioned to the waiter that the corn was kinda gross and not good (it was on the cob and totally over-cooked/mooshy) and he comped me free cheesecake! Then I felt like a total bitch (since I'd been complained to all day and here I was continuing the vicious cycle of complaining) and apologized profusely. The waiter was confused and insisted the free cheesecake was the least he could do, and that really, it was no big deal! We gave him a big tip. Rough day, I tell ya...

SIDENOTE: I HIGHLY recommend the film "North Country." It's empowering, good for women, and I liked it a lot. Even has a plot and stuff.

Rambly

Written 3/10:
I spent part of the week being pissed off at the guy in our cohort who chose to ask me about my "eye problem" a few weeks back. He was insensitive, made me feel self-conscious and small. Tacky comments by people who should know better make me crispy.

I spent part of today considering the importance of a support network. People should not have to go through hard times alone, yet there are people who find themselves isolated and alone. Some are isolated because they treated people shitty along their life journey, others are just isolated due to strange circumstance. I am confident in my own support network, but probably could do a lot more in terms of being a supporter to people in my life. Hmmm...

I'm baffled by the fact my cell phone interacts with my iPod tape deck converter thingy in my truck. It makes this strange buzzing noise whenever I get an incoming call, or when it just decides to. For awhile, I had this conspiracy theory about police radar guns making it buzz, too -- so I would always reduce my speed -- but I think this theory is full of shit. If someone could logically explain this to me, I'd appreciate it!

Ate at the "Happy Dragon" this evening. It made me sorta gassy, I think. The cashew chicken I ordered ending up being a majority of water chestnuts, which was mildy disappointing. This restuarant gets bad reviews in my book. However, Costco's Kirkland Signature food won some points -- I bought lunch for six people today for less than $15. Props to you, Costco!

Spent some serious time tonight laughing with these cool chicks I know. We played games -- laughed a lot -- and it was good times. It's been awhile since I've dubbed something a legitimate "good times" (a phrase I try to reserve for distinct quality times, generally with friends I feel fairly comfortable with, generally when much laughter/craziness/mayhem occurs).

Lastly, 'fore I crawl into my toasty warm bed and crash out before the alarm goes off at 5:45am.... My parents and I got a little morbid last night discussing getting our wills in order before we all go to Sweden. I'm trying to figure out who to leave my student loan debt to -- any volunteers?

Funky Week

My week started kinda funky -- and got progressively funkier. Monday I walked into work and D-Unit was like, "I've got bad news for you..." My response: "Was I fired?" D-Unit: "No, but we can't go to the concert this weekend because..." and the news was definitely bad.

Then my buds bummed me out Tuesday with the dietary marginalization mentioned previous blog. I made peace about it with most of 'em, but it definitely rubbed me wrong at the time. Funky, I say!

Wednesday I skipped yoga and indulged in lunch (at an American-style food place) with a fellow skipper. Watched The Business of Fancydancing a film written and directed by Sherman Alexie. Good movie, good message, slightly unique (and funky) to follow.

Thursday, today, went through the motions of skool, kinda sorta paying attention, but more out of it than in it.

My mind is on job applications -- nearly obsessively so. I'm like a trip to the post office away from mailing Clark County, Bentonville, Nixa, and Mountain Home. Four down, eleven to go. This weekend my goal is Springfield and Colorado Springs, possibly Logan Rogersville. I just want job security so I can feel good about working at my minimum wage job AND going to Sweden/Norway this summer. Mer.

We present our conference papers this week at our MIT conference. I don't know what I'm going to say, yet. I fear I might freeze up and forget who I am or something. Standing there, I wonder if I could make a case for having a post-traumatic moment myself.... guess that's plausible... hmmm...

Did I mention this week was funky?
Oh, and props to Capps for reading everyone's blogs. Right on, dood.

The Prez versus Greeners

Evergreen is special for it's own unique brand of worldview. I've certainly spent enough time this past week contemplating American imperialism and globalization (aka why other countries hate us, why the gap between rich/poor continues to grow, and how the corporation continues to dominate the employee). In fact, I've even had some personal strife pertaining to that last bit this week that has caused even DEEPER contemplation of said Greener themes.

So then I go and watch the news tonight, and dear ol' Bush Jr. is on again. And in his recent speech he said, "Let me put it to you Texan..."

The Greeners would get a lot further in their own independent struggle for the mysterious "social justice" world they propagate if they'd just put it to the masses in Texan versus in advanced intellectual-ese. Hell, I'd appreciate it if they'd tell me what they're trying to say in 3rd grade vocabulary so I might be able to "borrow" it for use in my classes....

And who said grad school wasn't fun?

Two days later -- Reflection on Trip to Makah Nation

As I re-enter the rat race of my life (literally – we’ve caught two more HUGE rats in the past 24 hours), I take a few minutes to share quotes overheard on my inspiring trip to the Makah reservation at the Northwest tip of the United States:

“The van is just around the corner” – Said by someone about ten minutes before our van actually showed up….

“We’re the RENEGADE van!” –Tyson, as Kevin was tearing out of the rest stop, leaving all other vans in the dust…

“You were doing 59 in a 45, here’s a ticket for $122” –State Trooper to Kevin about an hour later…

“We’re on FIRE!” –Kevin, as he surveyed the van’s tires after we all smelled burning…

*singing* “We’re not GONNA MAKE IT!”—Nate as we all disembarked to check out the tires…

“How is it that we’re all considered ‘highly-qualified’ teachers, yet not one of us is mechanic?”—Julie, as we all pondered the van’s tires…

“Whale! Whale! Pull-over!” – Erin, “I’m pullin’ over!”—Tyson, as Erin and Julie saw whales a few minutes before we arrived at the reservation…

“You are all doing very well…”—Tribeswoman trying to teach us to speak the Makah language….

“Mmnpf, urfewi, Simona, you’re really good at this!”—Someone with cedar bark bracelet in their mouth, talking to Simona, who was quite the cedar bark craftsman…

“It’s amazing what our grandparents have done with no formal education. This is the beginning of the world.”—Tribeswoman to Eugene and I…

“I looked outside and I saw a bunch of GI Joes rolling by, and for once, it turned out the US government was doing something to protect us.” –Amazing tribal ambassador, speaking about how threats were made against the Makahs and the government stepped up to protect them – he said many other great things the essence of which I cannot convey….

“That van is going to come and get into our van, wait, no they’re not! They’re driving away!”—confusion caused by van drivers staying at different hotels…

“Just don’t lock the door” –Makah man who ended up sharing a bathroom with two other ladies and I….

“Unlock, lock, lock, unlock, unlock, lock?”—Julie and I asking the pattern by which we would make sure not to lock the Makah man out of the bathroom we were sharing…

“That’s a bit Eurocentric!”—Julie’s response to a line Tiffany read from a children’s story (for our elementary bonding bedtime story)…

“This is a DRUG song!”—Brad, while entire van listening to Jefferson Airplane, “White Rabbit”…

“ASS! ASS! ASS!” –Laxmi, chanting at Nate to moon another van AGAIN because they seemed to miss his first moon…

“Dude! What did you do!? Ohh! Arg!”—Kevin, responding to Tyson’s spitting on the hood of the van, after the tire smell returned….

*high pitched laughing* --Nate, cracking up after ladies went into bathroom after Mazen reportedly made it stinky….

“It smells like the vet – a mixture of cat and leather.”—Erin’s synopsis of the alleged bathroom smell…

The tribal members who shared with us were profound. The Makah culture exemplifies humanity in a way that I’m not sure I even have a handle on it. Big respect for them, their ability to share their land with those of us whose ancestors tried to steal it, their traditions, and their efforts to restore culture amongst their children. As the woman said, truly they are “the beginning of the world.”

Ideas in my brain...

Started this week stressed out over the stupid zoo. For no good reason, it just continued to piss me off that I'd been RIF'ed. Even with 27 straight days of rain, why the hell don't Washingtonians go to PDZA in winter? Tuesday, my boss called offering me a day of work next week. That was weird, but it did manage to put my mind at temporary ease. That, and vowing not to think so much about the stupid zoo. I'm an investor -- you get me invested in something and I'm whole-heartedly committed -- mind and all.

Grad school has been pushing the notion that we oughta be looking for jobs. If we're going to be employed for the '06-'07 school year, we gotta get on that shit. Thus, my mind has been on where I want to teach, what'll make me happiest. Unfortunately, it falls at a time when my mind is also on vacation -- either a trip with Kelly, or a trip to MO to spend some time with Leigh Anne. That means flying the hell away from Seattle.

Thus, all said, I feel a mixture of the sentiments expressed by the following overplayed musicians:

Nine Inch Nails

"I'm becoming less defined as days go by. Fading away, and well, you might say, I'm losing focus. Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself. Less concerned about fitting into the world, your world that is. Cause it doesn't really matter anymore. No it doesn't really matter anymore."

Sugarland

"Oh I swear this town gets smaller everyday, and I'm waitin for my chance. I'm gonna break away. I'm so sick and tired of being told what's good for me. People got lots of ideas, of who I'm supposed to be."

Last words: See Brokeback Mountain. One of the best I've seen in awhile.