Contrast of Nine Weeks

"Student teaching is PRACTICE teaching"--Vavrus (2005). I'm glad I get to practice more again in the fall. I definitely need more practice. Definitely.

Today was my final day of solo teaching. It was a slight nightmare/disaster. Late start, gifted kids missing the math test due to gifted class, culmination of short Halloween week, kids writing notes about how much they hate me in the bathroom, my cooperating teacher having to step in to help me get my students quiet enough so that nearby classes could function, most students celebrating that today was my last day of teaching, students not following my directions even during the fire drill, and feeling exhausted at the conclusion of yet another day. For every step forward I made on the classroom management front this week, today (and yesterday afternoon) was like fifteen steps back.

I came into this student teaching ready to take on the world, totally stoked on teaching and loving every aspect of it. I was pretty jazzed, confident, and keen on the idea that I'd do an amazing job. I adored my mentor teacher (actually, still do...), and I was convinced I could have fun and enjoy being a teacher. I'd picked the right profession, and I was going to have one kickass time of student teaching.

Now, nine weeks later, I drove home hungry, weary, and feeling like a failure at teaching. This has been a theme of the last few days in particular. The contrast from where I was at the beginning and where I'm at now is astounding. My confidence is lacking, I am completely humbled and scared to death at the same time. Messing up at this job is huge--and since the job requires so much in order to do the job well--I really find myself questioning if I'm going to make it as a teacher. I see so many flaws, so many things that desperately need fixing--yet I'm not even certain where to begin or how to go about doing so. My mentor teacher gives thoughtful suggestions, but recently has struggled to prescribe any sure-fire solutions for the management piece (which is glaringly my worst area). I even say what she says, yet I get different results without fail--students know I have very little authority and are more than happy to exploit this weakness. I could go on and on about this... but the fact is...

It's all over now and I'm left with this unfinished failure feeling. It's probably a good thing we get the second chance in the spring. I may need that amount of time to re-group, re-analyze, and develop my next plan of attack. I'm not a quitter.
(Photo taken at my house, by me, I think it's kinda rad and I wanted to stick something I was proud of on here...)